Thursday, November 11, 2010

Whats My Age Again??

How old is your partner, really?
There is big debate over age differences in relationships. Guy older than girl? How old is too old? When does it go from cradle-robbing or toy-boy chasing cougar to just plain weird? But then you have another type of wrong: when you realise your partner - with the chemistry and passion you’ve been waiting for - is a real life Peter Pan.
Small, insular towns seem to have this affect on men more than say larger communities. Maybe this is because in smaller, Summer Bay type communities, you don’t come up with the same adult issues in life and they seem to be living in a perpetual state of Degrassi High. It is true to the testament of just because you can breed and drive a car, doesn’t mean you should.
Does this sound familiar? Whether its your own personal experience, or you’re watching a friend go through the ‘is he your child or your boyfriend’ sickness, it’s a tough call. Do you call their mother or a daycare centre? In case you’re confused, here are some top symptoms of the Peter Pan syndrome:

No ambition:
Does your partner just seem to coast through life and his biggest highlight is the six schooners or vodkas they are having at the pub with mates on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday night. Surely you CAN’T just look forward to beer? Can you?

I’m not touching that thing!
Go out for dinner at a new restaurant that is not the local Chinese take away. If they can’t differ from the sweet and sour pork, when you suggest going to sushi train, or a glass of wine instead of tooheys new, then ask how old they really are. Children are adverse to new tastes, so if it hasn’t killed the last guy who ate it, will it kill them? I think not. Have no fear, and try a dumpling.

Communication is the key:
Are you scared to leave your partner at the party while you need to go to the bathroom because of their inability to make small talk (especially without having ten beers sunk beforehand) or inability to talk all together? You’re not a baby sitter, and you haven’t had his children, go hang with your friends and chuck them in the deep end, if he’s whining about it, he’s wearing Peter’s green tights.

The inability to read directions:
Is this a two way street or a single lane? Huh? If they can’t give a little, even when sacrificing (yes its called a sacrifice for a reason) is what relationships are all about, then you have an issue. Being selfish is what being a kid is all about. It’s all about the Id or the Ego or whatever Freud was telling us about. Kids don’t like to share, they want to do whatever they want and have no comprehension on the term give and take. Men know women and men are different – but boys whinge about it. If he moans about your needs when you are expected to cater to his, be it the boys nights, the drunken pick ups at 2am, and he won’t even come around with a pizza on your night off because he’s so tired then tell them to be put in the playpen and get a partner with the same mentality or has little self esteem to know better.

It’s not rocket science, but even if you can do adult things doesn’t mean you have the mental capacity to approach life as an adult. If Mr. 28 year old is still sitting on your couch smoking pot and playing play station then maybe you should remind him it’s a school night so nothing past 10pm – hire a baby sitter, call his mum – and you go out into the adult world and work some magic.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Girls Night Out

So this blog has been a bit of a tongue-in-cheek, extreme view on dating. My pisstake view on various instances that I thought might be interesting to write about.

Now, I'm a single girl - and most of my girlfriends are... well.. not. That's great. Most of the time I love their BF's. It makes the group larger and I enjoy meeting new people, but the problem is that when you're taken, you seem to forget how to have fun. Does that disappear when you have sex with a regular person on a regular basis? I know already have found that someone to cuddle with - I get it - you don't want to go out and pick up - that's me too, and I'm single! I've never been the "pick-up-and-take-a-random-home" type of girl. Many times I wished I could be, but I'm not. But this little blog has come about from my friend one evening when I asked her if she wanted to come out for a drink with me on a Saturday night. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hey, I finish work early, feel like going to the Irish Tavern Saturday night. Cheap Coctails till 8."

Her: Sounds alright. But I don't like going out anymore. I don't need to go out.


I was shocked. Why? The phrase echoed through me, and still sits at the back of my skull whenever I ask her to do something (Go see the new local band down at the local pub, go play pool etc. You don't need to go out? Excuse me? Because you've got a boyfriend? How about just going out to spend some time with me? I don't NEED to go out either, but I WANT to. Not because I think I'm going to score. I live in a hole of a town where most of the men are either little boys who still wear their pants halfway down their arse, divorced and bitter, or just fuckwits with their own hands on their cocks tossing over themselves (Excuse the crudity). No. Never do I go out and think I will pick up. But this taken girls not wanting to be out past 6pm is starting to get to me. I'm 25! I want to hang with my girlfriends. I've been feeling it for a while now because most of my friends are married or taken, and I think they forget that you know.... I'm not. I like to social atmosphere of being at the Tavern with a bottle of wine and sitting in the night air having a drink. You might meet someone new, or see someone you havent' seen in years, but the fact of the matter is, I like it better than staring at my telly on a Saturday night. I like the fact it feels that I'm social and having at least half a life. And I hate the fact that none of my friends want to feel it with me. I know you're taken, but don't you ever want to be social? It's not the whole "we're 18 lets get smashed" garbage. Now, in my mid 20's, it's about having drinks with your girlfriends and letting loose for a few hours. Wearing your best dress and heels and feeling sexy.

So, if only to be able to buy a new dress and wear it out one night, taken girls, don't forget your single girlfriends. Enjoy their company. Because, sadly, once taken, everyone seems to fade away. Friendships are their to be enjoyed, and if you're looked at by another man, enjoy that too.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Football Sex

This blog had started off about me missing sex, or preferrably, missing the person I was having sex with. Then it turned into the issue of women and sex and respect. We have gone from over conservatisim, to women acting like men thinking that men want this, and then losing all respect for themselves. WOMEN are not MEN! We have different ideals, different ways of thinking about ourselves, and giving men exactly what they want, and saying that you want it too, is I think, a bit of a stretch. You can't change gentic makeup.

For example: a 30 something woman texts a man her breasts. She's a mother, with two small children, separated, wanted to be wanted. But, where is the line between being wanted sexually, and using yourself as free porn to that guy you met in the nightclub last week? This is along the same lines as the Mathew Johns saga. Yes, the girl would regret what she did, probably feels like a slut, but if it was consensual, what is there to whinge about? We all know about the footballers mentality and what goes on in their world. It's not right the way they treat women and yet women still treat them like gods. They get paid six figure salaries to run around a football field and wonder why they get reprimanded for their orgies. I admit what Mathew Johns did was disgusting, and he is not suitable as a rolemodel for young kids, especially young boys who are going to be looking up to this man, but no one can get in trouble for consensual sex. Even if pressured, which men don't seem to get - the whole "come on, you'll enjoy it, go on, just roll over, let me..." and you can slap that hand away so many times, and sometimes the consent isn't so much as "I want you" as "just do it and leave me alone". I'm not saying that is right at all, no woman enjoys pressured sex, but it's just compliancy.

I must admit I didn't watch the interview that was aired on the ABC the other night, so all my info is from the papers, internet and other people's opinions. Anyway, what I don't get is, why the woman waited this long to bring it up. Money? There are plenty of vindictive girls out there waiting to corner men. I've met many a man who has been duped by such women, and unfortunatley it ruins it for us honest ones. Consensual sex is just that, consented. And if you didn't want it to happen, and you still said yes, what can you do? The 'he kept bugging me till I gave in' doesn't work in court. And, if like many of those football groupies, you use sex as status and then regret it afterwards, that's your life. It's sad but true. I just don't understand all this whoo haa over something that was, yes, regreted by both parties, but unfortunately the woman let it happen as much as the man. She had no repect for herself, picking and choosing her football partners, but she has to learn to live with that. Unfortunately we all live with regret, I just can't go to the paper about mine, and I'm not a girl that would.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Man: The New Woman

When did men get to make the rules? When did we have to pander to the sesitivities of the less sensitive sex? When did men become the new women? Should I be asking them what shade of lipstick goes with what outfit? Pass them a tissue... they don't know!

Men play games. They hate women that play, so why do they start the game in the first place?

I have to admit, I'm no game player. I suck at the games! Seriously, if love were a boardgame, I'd be stuck down the bottom of the ladder. I can't stomach the harshness that goes hand in hand with the dice throwing and pawn moving. When it comes to my emotions, I'm a fragile little shell.. especially at the moment. In my last relationship, I said to myself I wasn't going to try and guess what he wanted. I wasn't going to not say things just in case he thought something horrible about me. I wasn't going to censor myself. What's the point? I'd tried it before and it hadn't lasted, so why not just try being me. It's not me, if he doesn't like me, then there was no point pretending to be someone I'm not. And for the most point I did that, I'm proud to say. And our relationship was fine. I don't think we had any problems with each other. I never hid anything, and I don't think he did either. We had and I like to think, still have, a mutual respect for each other.

Having said that, why is it that I feel that men have all the control. That we have to pander to their needs to even get close to what we want. We have to be careful about what we say, Oh don't rush the poor lad, he might feel claustrophic! Get him a paper bag! My god he's feeling rushed or not rushed enough! Give me the paper bag I can spew in disgust at his misconception that all women are the same... balls up man! Seriously! I see it everyday - a girl who says one thing, and then worries about how the boy might take it. When really she is not clingy by any standard, or stalkerish, she does not even own a pair of night vision goggles! But one thing's for sure: the boy is not worrying about what he says to the girl. The girl really wants to get jiggy with this boy.. nothing more, just have some fun, and yet she has to constantly worry that he might think she wants a relationship and back off. Seriously, why all the pandering! If he wants to get his end in, shouldn't he be pandering to the womans needs! Where is our pandering?

Men have lost the art of 'wooing', even if it's just on a casual basis. Why should it disappear? Has the modern woman allowed men to be lazy? Girls, this is half your fault. With you half naked inticing him with naked texts, wanting some sort of attention and giving it to him straight up, he never has to work with all these girls throwing their nakedness at him. That's not to say you can't explore your sexuality... (that's another argument that could come out of this blog. But we'll keep it simple) And then men, complaining that they don't want these manipulative girls, yet again thinking with only one organ at a time.. I know I know... not enough blood to run them both at the same time! Seriously, if we pumped you with a few litres more, would it help? Get a grip men! You go for the vindictive, needy (easy) women that turn into stalkers and then.. shock horror, you wonder why you ended up in a mess!

That comes down to us pandering to these over sensitive males... when did men stop pandering us and the tables turn.. Darling, that wallet doesn't match your shoes. Man up!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Text Files


It's a tricky letter. Not that it's hard to write, but those two lines crossed over one another symmertically has been an over developed symbol for centuries.

I mean: "Sign on the X"
"X marks the Spot"

This symbol has been used for centuries, since people started writing letters with feathered plumes in their hats and an ink well in their desk. This little symbol is known everywhere as a way to show a physical action upon a piece of paper: xxx

Kisses, there in black and white.

How can the be misconstrued?

The four X's is not a symbol of friendship, just like "you will pay" written in blood stained letters on our wall is a little more than a subtle warning of revenge. So the incorrect response to these X's is the "I love our friendship". Especially if you are the person who sent the X's in the first place. Excuse me, but sending xxx is more than just the porn section in the video store! So, if you aren't sure, don't send the xxx's. It's a symbol of affection, is you have no affection then don't mark the spot!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Facebook: "It's Complicated"

Morning sex is awesome.

I'm sure I'm not the only one to say that. Coming out of a sleepy daze and waking up with a.. well.. bang... is a pretty nice experience. This morning I woke up. That's it. And, as I lay there I wondered if I should get up for work. So obviously the above didn't happen for me. So, what made me want morning sex and turn it into a blog about facebook? My relationship status, that's what.

Finding the relationship lable is hard, as I'm just starting to figure out. I thought things would be easy. Break up with a guy, have a cry, get over that loser and be on the look out for another one who is hopefully better. I like to think I'm slowly climbing the man ladder. But, unfortunatly it's never that simple.

Just the other day I was on Facebook, and people have been changing the lables of their relationship 'complicated' 'single' married' 'divorced but getting some on the side'. So, I got to thinking, how would you lable your 'relationship' on facebook? Seriously?

How about:

"seeing ex-boyfriend occassionally but it's more than just sex but less than a serious relationship - though monogamous to each other'.

PHEW... okay, so Facebook doesn't have that. It's very limiting!

The thing with the Ex-files is strange. You half have sex on tap, though it never usually happens in the morning. Hence my wish for morning sex. It's usually on a Saturday night after you meet each other at the pub for drinks, or on a lazy afternoon after having lunch and watching a few dvd's. And the thing is, I should really lable my relationship status as 'complicated' in facebook terms. Because at the moment I am 'single'. And that's not a lie. I'm not thinking that he's 'relatrionship' material. Because, just like me, he is listed as 'single'. We are both singletons in this society of find a partner before your ovaries wither to prunes. Not that I should be worried about that.

But again, now the Facebook lable of 'friends' has come into question in my mind. Friends care for each other. You can have a genuine good time with the other person. So when is it that you start to notice that 'friends' isn't even going to cut it any more? But again, 'friends' on Facebook can be "...the dude you talked to for five minutes down at the pub because he got in your rode and you didn't want to be rude".

Is Facebook status not complicated enough to deal with the level of relationships people have with one another. And are people mistaking this simplification and placing it on the relationships they have in the real world. Or are we just 'living' through Facebook?

So, now with my Ex-File, we remain 'friends', it's definatly feeling like a one sided friendship. I can handle the friends with benefits business, because I like those benefits. I like the cuddles and the night sex. But just like a relationship, friendship you have to put a lot into, and I put it in, being there when he is lonely, and get nothing in return. He should change his whole profile on facebook to 'it's complicated'. And as I said, I'm not too concerned about my withering ovaries. Only that coming from a small town if you have multiplied by the age of 23 something is wrong. I'm 25. I don't want kids just yet. I want to travel, and drink, and have fun and love having the ability to 'maybe just pick up and move' if the right opportunity comes along, without having to worry about anyone else. I guess I like that part of singledom too..... Except I don't get the morning sex.